BROOKE HOGAN IS SAD

There seems to be some confusion about the split between Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda, and apparently no one is more confused than Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda.  Early reports by People.com and others said she filed last Wednesday and Hulk was genuinely surprised to hear the news.  Now one new report says Linda doesn't really want to divorce ("She keeps saying to him 'Can't we find a way to make this work?  She doesn't want to see the family break up.") and another says the split happened long ago and no one should be surprised ("Mr. and Mrs. Hulkster have been on the outs since June, and that the divorce filing was not a surprise to the Hogans or people who know the couple ... the couple even filmed part of their reality TV show 'Hogan Knows Best' when they were separated.")

The real question haunting the experts about these two is, would you bang their daughter?  Here she is over the weekend at a pool near Miami Beach.  I'm not sure what madman convinced a girl this thick to wear horizontal stripes, but I'm assuming he's gay and his mom beat him with a pool cue and now he hates women. In the mom's defense, I now would also like to beat him with a pool cue.  Brooke Hogan is to sex what donkeys are to field goal kicking. I'm sure they could both technically do the job, but there has to be some better options out there somewhere.