'Dancing With the Stars' Comes to a Close

Huzzah! The latest season of prime time placeholder Dancing With the Stars ends this evening. Never have we wished more that a television show had unsung writers who could cripple it at will, but that is currently neither here nor there; the issue at hand is this: Tonight, who will wail with glee at being named the Dancingest Star and simultaneously sound the death knell for this bullshit talent show (until its inevitable resurrection in the spring)?

Will it be Marie Osmond, whose triple-whammy of calamities (in order of sadness: father passing, rehabbed son, fainting) is sure to draw some sympathy voters? Or, will the much more deserving Melanie Brown be able to remind America that the show isn't called Feeling Sorry for the Stars and finally prove to Eddie Murphy that 'he don't know what he's missing'?

Our breath is bated, we tell you!