50 Cent Gets Robbed On Stage, Thief's Parents Not So Bad (With Video)

In the year or our Lord two thousand and two, hecklerspray got robbed. We were calmly walking down a picturesque cobble-stone walkway when we suddenly found ourselves handing two popsicles and a toaster strudel over to a nine-year-old with a fistful of corkscrews sticking out between his fingers. We meant her fingers.

We were devastated, as that had been our lunch, and we silently swore that nobody should ever have to endure atrocity like that again. Since then no nine-year-old girls have been safe from our wrath. That's because we bought a mask to secure our true identities, and several canoe paddles we carry around with us all the time. It's all extremely intimidating but we'll use 'em if we have to - just try us little girl! We'll knock your flower-patterned external retainer-wearing butt to kingdom come!

50 Cent's been robbed too, you know. It makes us feel better, like we're not quite so lonely in our victim-ness. His robbery may take a sizeable chunk out of his horrible thug cred, as it happened onstage in front of an entire African nation of what we assume are starving, poverty stricken people.

And when you get robbed by a belly-bloated starving guy, and it gets filmed and posted on Youtube, well how can you face your friends again after something like that?

There was likely a time when 50 Cent was but a wee lad, dreaming of one day harnessing the power of almighty bling to feed all of Africa, maybe by melting it all down into delicious golden loaves of bread. Little did he know he'd sort of get the chance. He was performing in Angola recently when a young male concert-attendee jumped on stage, grabbed the chain and took off running.

It is currently unknown whether or not he melted it into a sandwich.

What is known though - is the boy didn't get away for long. His undoing was parents with an apparent strong moral code. Just ask SixShot.com:

'An Angolan citizen accused of snatching 50 Cent's chain while he was performing at an event in the African nation last week has reportedly been turned over to police by his parents.'

The best news is you can watch video of the on-stage thievery right here. It's because you mean so much to us, and we want to provide you with incredible entertainment whilst you waste away in your government jobs.

You do all work for the government, right?



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