American Idol: Times Three

Previously - Jason Castro toked his way off the show. Paula was probably drunk. Ryan Seacrest probably touched David and David in a suggestive manner. You know how it goes.

America Idol! We're down to three. Say bye-bye to Syesha. David Archuleta is a child. Syesha is pretty but gone. David Cook is smug. Ryan Seacrest's "This is American Idol!" will stay with me throughout my days. I wish it wouldn't. This is the closest race this show has ever seen? Paula isn't sure where she is, but her large black sequins will light the way. Randy's shirt looks like that couch in your great grand-mother's sitting room that smells like dead people.

More Idol, after the jump!

The youngest chick from Brothers & Sisters is here. Isn't she sleeping with her brother? David Archuleta goes back to his hometown in Utah and a man who looks like Kristy Lee Cook's future kidnapper (American flag shirt and moustache wax, for real) gives him a message from Paula . Couldn't she have just told him in person? His crazy-ass stage Dad is there ready to taser David if he tries to escape. Paula's having him sing a Billy Joel song. Paula talks about the song being able to "totally exploit" his voice. Unfortunate choice of words, Abdul. Do you know the Muffin Man?

Paula is straight-up attentive tonight. Is she doing speed now? Come clean my apartment, Paula. Nope, not speed; she's slurring "performance." Archuleta just wants watch to go home and watch Ben 10. Despite the cool kid tie and leather jacket, he's just a chocolate-smeared lil' tyke at heart. He probably has a rock collection.

Seacrest sits in Randy's chair as Simon tries to cover his mouth and go in for the reach-around. I'm sorry, I should have had you put the kids to bed before that sentence. Paula somehow manages to read the teleprompter without nodding off or wondering aloud why they must torment her so WITH THESE WORDS!

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