Ellen & Portia To Sob About Puppies As Properly Married Couple

You know what's hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage!

And it turns out that's exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because - thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage - Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married.

With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they'll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can't wait!

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are a match made in heaven. OK, maybe not heaven. They're a match made in a disturbing pervert's pornographic daydream, which is kind of the same, except all the harps are made of dildos. Possibly. Look, we've confused ourselves now. Start again.

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have been a couple for four years now, which in Hollywood terms is about twelve billion trillion jillion years. However, due to a law forbidding gay marriage, Ellen and Portia never got to make their union official with a kneejerk, barely thought-out marriage to each other that had divorce written all over it right from the get-go like their heterosexual Hollywood counterparts were able to.

As well as denying them the chance to cynically sell their marriage pictures to whichever tawdry celebrity magazine offered them the most money, the ban on gay marriage also left Ellen and Portia without the legal protection afforded to other couples in the event of one of them injuring themselves or dying. But not any more.

Now that the same-sex marriage ban has been overturned in California, Ellen DeGe...

Read the full post at Hecklerspray

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