Tatum O'Neal Pleads Guilty To All That Drug Stuff She Did

When Tatum O'Neal was arrested for buying crack a month ago, she looked ready to blurt out a limitless amount of gormless excuses to prove her innocence.

She had millions of them - that it was the first time she'd bought crack, that she didn't even know it was crack and that she bought crack because her dog died and it made her sad. We've been eagerly anticipating Tatum O'Neal's next excuse for weeks - would she try and say that she thought the man was offering to sell her 'quack'? That she was briefly possessed by the ghost of Ike Turner? We couldn't wait.

And now we're sorely, sorely disappointed. Tatum O'Neal has done the unthinkable and stopped making excuses. In fact, Tatum O'Neal has pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in court, meaning that her case will be dismissed if she completes a pathetically rudimentary course at a drug treatment clinic. That's OK for Tatum O'Neal we suppose, but why won't anyone think of us here? Where's our fun?

The E! network needs to stop pissing about with these halfhearted reality TV shows about the Lohans and get a camera crew down to the O'Neals' place as fast as possible. They sound like dynamite entertainment.

Would you watch a reality TV show about Lindsay Lohan's mother banging on about her youngest daughter's non-existent music career? No you wouldn't. But would you watch a reality TV show about a family who attack each other with guns and pokers because they keep tying each other to banisters like dogs? Of course you would. That'd be all you ever watched.

And,needless to say, the star of the show would be Ta...

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