JUL

09

Hear that noise? That tiny high-pitched squeaking noise? That's us farting in terror at the realisation that a new series of X Factor is just weeks away. Because every year it's always the bloody same - week after week of listening to turgid Whitney Houston cover versions sung by blubbering personality voids, all preceded by Simon Cowell going on a whistlestop tour of the country to tell everyone in each region that they're awful at singing and should probably try killing themselves. Most recently, Simon Cowell has been to Wales. Cue predictable outrage in 5, 4, 3, 2...

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