Dance Tracks Won't Bring Spears' Kids Back

Uh oh! Just one day after we were called 'assy' for daring to suggest that Britney Spears should focus her energy on things other than making a new pop album, the perennially hysterical singer has lost a long-standing custody dispute with her ex-husband, self-styled pimp Kevin Federline (of the Fresno Federlines). Under the ruling, Federline will retain sole legal and physical custody of the couple's two sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James. Spears will continue to be allowed twice a week visitation and once a week monitored overnights.

Sad, but don't feel too bad for Britney, she can use the emotions this decision will inevitably yield to record her new record. We can see the hits now: 'My Kids Aren't Coming Home Tonight (So Stay a While Longer)' and 'I Just Wanna Dance and Forget About Motherfuckin' Family Court. Shit! Goddammit!'

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