HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [Monday Morning Box Office]

You look nervous. Is it the scars? You wanna know how we got 'em? Come here. Look at us. One night, we couldn't sleep, so we turn on QVC. They're pushing something called the Facial Flex Facial Exercise and Toning Kit. We figure, "Why not? Our jowls could use some tautening." So it comes in the mail, see—but the first time we use it, something goes wrong. Very, Very wrong. Now we always see the funny side! We're always smiling! Hey—who's up for box office numbers! HAHAHAHAHA!

1. The Dark Knight - $155.34 million $158.3 million
We apologize for the wraparound glitch currently affecting our The Dark Knight Opening Weekend Take Billboardtron, as the outmoded technology that runs it was barely capable of handling the $151.1 million record previously held by Spider-Man 3—now, nothing but a vaguely arachnoid splat on the pavement, smooshed beyond recognition by the monster tires of a revving Bat-Hog.

For those who were lucky enough to catch one of the completely sold-out IMAX screenings across the country, or even those who had to endure a regular theater showing—bitterly conscious of the fact that its grim, cobalt nihilism was only fully appreciable in 1.43:1 aspect ratio on a screen the size of a Hoover Dam—it's now merely a matter of letting the film's deep messages about the Current State of the World (we're not exactly sure what they are—but boy are they bleak!) sink in. For everyone else, we suggest merely plugging your ears and shouting, "NO DARK KNIGHT SPOILERS!!!" at no one in particular until that snooty operator at The Bridge Cinemas says something besides, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we can't possibly squeeze you in until mid-September, and even then, it's on a 27-inch LCD TV temporarily set up in the manager's office. Can I put you down for two?"

BREAKING: The Biggest, Battiest Opening Weekend Ever E...

Read the full post at Defamer

• Change We Can Believe In: Though John McCain ... [David Letterman] Oct 07
• Goldie Hawn Always Gets Sad When The Valet Brings Her The Wrong Car [A Call To The Bullpen] Oct 07
• Increasingly Desperate Jerry Seinfeld Reduced To Quoting Jackie Chiles In Slander Case [Newman!] Oct 07
• Billy Ray Cyrus Sees A Lot Of His Young Self In Underwear Model Currently Banging His Daughter [Family Values] Oct 07

• A Socialites Life Queen Latifah Presides Over Premiere Of 'The Secret Lives Of Bees' Oct 07
• Celebitchy Queen Latifah says it's nobody's business if she's gay Oct 07
• ICYDK The Los Angeles premiere of ‘The Secret Life of Bees' Oct 07
• Defamer J. Lo Hesitant To Add 'Scientologist' To Her Multi-Hyphenate Resume [Space Monster-in-law] Oct 07
• POPSUGAR The Secret Life of Bees Buzzes into LA Oct 07
• Best Week Ever Our Little Girl's Done All Grown Up! Oct 07
• VH1 Blog The Celebreality Interview - Suzanne Oct 07
• VH1 Blog The Celebreality Interview - Mike Barber Oct 07