American Idol Says Simon Cowell Cruelty Led Her to Depression, Drugs

American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, has revealed Simon Cowell led her on a downward spiral. "I came out of Idol with a lack of self-confidence," McKibbin tells the new issue of Us Weekly. "I think I had my first solo in school when I was 5, and I got more as I got older: That's the biggest compliment in choir. I had never been told I wasn't good enough. Having to hear it for so many weeks from Simon Cowell killed me inside. I couldn't get the s--t he had said to me out of my head." She continued: "It drove me deeper into my depression. I wouldn't say that this was Simon's fault. It just added to the addict that I already was." Cowell compared one of her performances to Adam Sandler's tone deaf character in The Wedding Singer. "We were heavily chaperoned, but I would buy vodka and sneak it into the refrigerator on the bottom floor," McKibbin tells Us. "If I wasn't too exhausted, I'd have one or two drinks." The season one contestant finished third behind Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson. See what your favorite Idol contestants are up to now. McKibbin - who wed her childhood roller-skating coach, Craig Sadler, 39, in 2007 - is sober after being treated on the second season of VH1's Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (premieres October 23 at 10 p.m.). For more on the singer's battle with alcohol and drugs and the pysch ward stay that led her to pick up the pieces, pick up the latest issue of Us Weekly on newsstands now.