Oscars Worst Dressed

Now that we've got the best-dressed out of the way, let's go in for the kill: The 81st Annual Academy Awards Worst-Dressed List. Starting with Beyonce, above. I've heard the expression 'walking like you've got a corn cob up your ass,' but this is ridiculous. I wouldn't be surprised to learn there was a damn Volkswagen up there.

The rest of the list after the jump!



It's like Jessica Biel has a long, sad uniboob that's trying to make a break for it:

Miley Cyrus — The Tree Man called: he wants his scales back:

Zac Efron — the T-Birds called: they want their hair back.

Vanessa Hudgens — Sasha Fierce, called, and she's going to kick your ass:

Why, oh why, Heidi Klum? It's like a combover and a mullet set up shop on her head. And the top half of the dress is ill-fitting and the whole thing just looks sloppy. Ten bucks says Eva Longoria's stylist did her makeup:

Curiously, the only thing tighter than Sarah Jessica Parker's dress was her husband's asshole:

Attention Summer Redstone's wife: Harley Davidson called. They want their logo back.

Frieda Pinto might be shit-hot, but that dress is not. It's straight up Sweeney Sisters:

Evan Rachel Wood looks Coraline's 'other mommy.' I bet her makeup weighs as much as her damn dress. It's a shame to waste a gown that beautiful on her:

Kim Basinger did it better than Kate Winslet eighteen years ago:

Tilda Swinton: neutrals are NOT your friend, my dear:

Philip Seymour Hoffman must have arrived on his skateboard:

Jennifer Aniston, or well-dressed Lhasa Apso?:

Mickey Rourke is a fucking idiot. Or a conductor on a pimp train:

When I look at Nicole Kidman all I can think is 'nipple hair.' That may be the most unflattering dress she's ever worn. It's like her boobs are Abe Vigoda's angry eyes:

Amanda Siegfried: 1984 called. They said you weren't even fucking born yet:

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