Michael Moore Set To Patronise Us About Money

Like many people, we wish the world was perfect. Because that way there'd be nothing left for Michael Moore to bleat on about.

You may have noticed that throughout the recent catastrophic financial meltdown, Michael Moore has been uncharacteristically quiet. Why? Has he been reinforcing the walls and grounds of his gigantic mansion to keep the poor people out when they start rioting? No, silly - instead Michael Moore has been quietly beavering away on a feature documentary all about the economic collapse.

Just a hunch here, but we get the impression that Michael Moore will think it's bad.

The world is in a bad place at the moment. Mass redundancies, paycuts, home foreclosures, entire industries going up against the wall and - worst of all - Pick N Mix being sold in WH Smith instead of Woolworths. It's a scary time, and nobody knows what caused it.

Oh, no, wait. Wait, yes we do what caused it. Everyone knows what caused it - it was a basically down to a proliferation of subprime lending. But just because we all know what caused the financial crisis, it doesn't mean that we don't want it explained to us by a condescending millionaire with a weight problem and a fetish for library footage.

So it's a good job that Michael Moore has realised this - he's decided to make a film all about the whole mucky affair. Reuters reports:

Firebrand filmmaker Michael Moore is now focusing on the global economic meltdown. 'The wealthy, at some point, decided they didn't have enough wealth,' a statement quoted Moore as saying. 'They wanted more — a lot more. So they systematically set about to fleece the American people out of their hard-earned money. Now, why would they do this? That is what I seek to discover in this movie.'

We'll have to wait until October to see exactly what Michael Moore has planned for his movie about the economic crisis, but if his last few films are anything to go by, we can expect to see at least one of the following at some point:

* A sad-faced old man, possibly an ex-soldier, who doesn't even have a house any more.

* Countless stock footage scenes of Wall Street bankers accompanied by hilarious circus music.

* A climax involving Michael Moore standing outside shouting at the first floor of a corporate building.

* Several very good points made in such a reactionary blowhard way that that you end up somehow rooting for the corrupt bankers and hoping they screw the entire world out of every penny it's ever made.

* A scene where Michael Moore goes to discover how Cuba is faring with the economic meltdown, only to find that everyone there has a speedboat and three pet unicorns, and all the houses are made of butterscotch, and you start pissing diamonds the second you get there.

Or maybe we're being hard on Michael Moore. We'll just have to wait until October to see what his film has in store. Except that by October nobody will have the money to see a film about a subject they're already preposterously well-versed in, and the entire film industry will collapse and we'll all be living in forests killing each other with rocks for meat.

But aside from all that, good luck Michael Moore! We believe in you!

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