A Real Housewife's Masochism, A Pervert's Communism, Whitney Port's Aestheticism [Gossip Roundup]

Kelly Bensimon's a glutton for punishment, well-studied thespian Whitney Port offers up a nuanced acting critique, two babies, two 90s stars, a Clinton house (hunting) party, and some Communist dick is still, years later, just some Communist dick: presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup.

• Kelly Bensimon's absolutely going back on Real Housewives for more catfight action. Apparently, Bethenny Frankel's a bully and needs to be show what the fuck is what. Meanwhile, while no official diagnosis has been made, this woman's clearly shown a pattern of cognitive dissidence, and is totally insane, because I don't think anybody likes her or sees it that way. Right? [Page Six]
  
  
• Page Six has a brilliant item on some MTV Movie Awards anecdotes: Whitney Port from The City had to be removed from sitting next to Twilight star Kristen Stewart after she called Twilight "really bad" and Stewart's performance in it "one-dimensional." Uta Hagen agrees! Also, the Disney kids had to be kept away from the Nickelodeon kids before a Warriors-esque knife fight broke out, because Nickelodeon believes Disney's kids are "tainted." Wow. The show airs tonight, it's probably gonna suck. [Page Six]
  
  
• The Killers' singer Brandon Flowers and his wife are expecting a second baby soon. Will he be human, or will he be dancer? The choice isn't really yours, but it should be. Then again, we'd all choose "dancer," anyway. [People]
  
  
• Tone Loc collapsed during a concert in Pensacola, Florida (home to the University of West Florida's Fightin'...Argonauts..) after having a cup too many of the Funky Cold Medina and overheating. He's gonna be fine. [MSNBC]
  
  
• Okay, really, this is maybe the best thing I've ever read on Page Six, if only because they made an item out of it: co-author of The Communist Manifesto Friedrich (or in P6 Speak: FRIEDRICH) Engels was a homophobe, loved hookers, and was a sexual predator, according to a new book on him. Scandalous! Next Page Six item, please: Chairman Mao Is An Alcoholic Dick! I love where this could go. [Page Six]
  
  
• Melissa Joan Hart opened up a candy store! It's called Sweet Harts (get it?) and a pissed-off has-been talking cat staffs the counter and doesn't want you sampling anything. Just buy it and get out, please. Also, related. [People]
  
  
• Will the 90's-oriented gossip items ever end? Answer: hell to the no. Tank Girl star - yes, Tank Girl - Lori Petty hit a skateboarder with her car last night in LA, and is sitting in jail on a felony DUI charge, being held on a $100K bail. I wish Ice-T could dress in a rat suit and bust her out, too. We all do. [TMZ]
  
  
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou had a baby yesterday; it was a boy, and he's probably gonna be a decent looking kid. But the US news item about it had a strange quote from Kimora in it: "Asked if she wanted more kids, Simmons previously told Us, "I would love to. I practice everyday." Practice...how? [US Weekly]
  
  
• The Clintons are looking for new digs: Woodstock is probably ruled out (seriously). Apparently, Bill's friend, the drummer from The Band, Levon Helm, lives up there. Most likely, Hil's going to spoil his party, and they're going to remain in Westchester. Boring. [R&M]
  
  
• Christie Brinkley's advice to women: "Have an exit strategy." She doesn't see the point in being married after number four fell apart, which is sad, because she's endearingly cute and truthfully, at 55, still a MILF. Sorry. It's true. We should set her up with someone nice. [NYDN]