Billy Joel Splits Up With His Alarmingly Young Wife

Yep, 60-year-old Billy Joel has split up with his 27-year-old wife. And that's probably it. No excitement here.

Don't expect anything as exciting as the Christie Brinkley/ Peter Cook divorce from these two. That's partly because the thought of Billy Joel masturbating to $3,000 of porn a month is so grotty that it makes us want to punch ourselves unconscious, and partly because it's unlikely that Billy Joel would run off with a teenager because the current 33-year age-gap between him and his estranged wife is already disturbing enough as it is, thank you very much.

Cuh. Billy Joel is boring.

You might not have known this, but for the last five years Billy Joel has been married to a 27-year-old chef called Katie Lee. We're saying that you might not have known that, by the way, for two reasons: 1) Nobody has really thought about Billy Joel for the last 15 years, even by accident, and 2) Unlike Uptown Girl, which he wrote for Christie Brinkley, Billy Joel has never written any songs for Katie Lee. That's not to say he hasn't tried, of course, but he's always come unstuck looking for something that rhymes with 'Compared to me, you're as old as a foetus.'

But anyway, none of that matters now - it's just been announced that Billy Joel and Katie Lee are splitting up. People reports:

'After nearly five years of marriage Billy Joel & Katie Lee Joel have decided to separate. This decision is a result of much thoughtful consideration. Billy & Katie remain caring friends with admiration and respect for each other,' says a statement issued by both of their reps.

Now that's sad and all, but it's not the end of the world. This split means that Katie Lee can forge ahead with trying to make a name for herself, and also for finding a life partner who isn't old enough to be one of her dad's creepy friends.

And as for Billy Joel - well, is it too much to expect for him to get back together with Christie Brinkley? After all, thanks to her humiliating divorce from Peter Cook recently, Christie's self-esteem is probably at its absolute lowest - and that means Billy Joel has never had a better chance of getting back into her knickers.

Oh, it'd be wonderful. Billy Joel could write some new songs for Christie Brinkley - called things like I'll Never Leave You For A Teenager I Just Met In A Toyshop and Boy, Your Last Husband Sure Did Enjoy Wanking A Lot - and in return Christie could paint some more nightmarish, childlike album covers for Billy that everyone laughs at but secretly understands because if they'd somehow lucked their way into marrying a supermodel they'd probably let her scrawl some hapless, objectively bad artwork for them, too.

We've forgotten what our point was now. Something about Billy Joel, we think.

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