Kate Gosselin Writes Book That Nobody Will Ever Read

As Jon & Kate Plus 8 proves, Kate Gosselin is an expert at being a bit sloppy when it comes to contraception.

Being a mother. We meant Kate Gosselin is an expert at being a mother. But recently Kate Gosselin's reputation has bottomed out spectacularly, and as a result her forthcoming cookbook has been shelved indefinitely.

But Kate Gosselin is a fighter, so she's working on another book about her real strengths. That book - How To Slap Your Children In Public And Generally Behave So Shrewishly That Your Husband Looks Elsewhere For Affection The Kate Gosselin Way - will be out soon.

This might be a bit of a premature statement, but it looks as though the wheels have finally come off Jon & Kate Plus 8. Thanks to Jon and Kate Gosselin's divorce, the whole show has been revealed as nothing but a sham. It's no longer a good-natured series about a family with an irresponsibly large number of children - it's a show about a horrible witch of a woman who beats her children up while her husband sneaks off to possibly have it away with a schoolteacher.

Because of all the sudden revelations, Jon & Kate Plus 8 is officially on hiatus for a month - presumably so that the TLC marketing department can rebrand the show Jon & Kate Plus H8 and change the theme tune to a choir of sobbing children singing Lonely by Akon - which puts a hole in the side of Kate Gosselin's plans to wring every last penny she can out of the show. But no matter, Kate Gosselin is an enterprising sort and she's always got her career as a best-selling author to fall back on.

In addition to her books Multiple Blessings: Surviving to Thriving with Twins and Sextuplets and Eight Little Faces - which incidentally holds the record for the motherhood guide with the most nightmarishly creepy title - Kate Gosselin had been getting ready to publish a new tome entitledLove Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories. But now she isn't.

According to the Los Angeles Times, Kate Gosselin's publisher has decided to shelve Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories, perhaps indefinitely:

Looks as if Kate Gosselin's new book Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals Into Memories,' will simmer on the back burner for a while. Maybe even forever. Christian book publisher Zondervan has decided to hold off on publication. Why the delay? Maybe there just isn't quite as ravenous an appetite now for 'an inside look at one of America's most close-knit families'?

Now that's just cynical. We're almost completely positive that Love Is in the Mix: Making Meals into Memories wasn't shelved because Kate Gosselin has recently been outed as the cruel matriarch of a broken family. No, we're sure that it's because someone at Zondervan had worked out that the easiest way to make a meal into a memory is to eat the meal and then think about it for a bit, and that'd be quite hard to pad out into an entire book.

But, as is becoming hopelessly apparent, Kate Gosselin won't go away that easily. Give it a couple of months and she's bound to bring out a Coping With Divorce handbook. Not because she's got anything particularly profound to say on the matter, you understand, but because it gives her the perfect opportunity to go on a book tour, which then gives her the perfect opportunity to scream 'Leave me alone! Why won't you vultures respect my privacy?' at the people who've come to have their books signed by her.

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