American Idol? Ahh, Don't Even Bother, Says Ex-Contestant!

Posted Sep 23 via Hecklerspray 2009-09-23 09:51:08


Hands up who remembers Chris Sligh from American Idol. Anyone? No? Fine. To refresh your leaking memory he was the fat guy with the glasses, who made it through mainly because he had a moderately good sense of humour, which papered over the cracks of his rather less impressive singing voice. He looked like Jack Osbourne. He also loved Jesus. Far more, it seems, than he loves American Idol these days. 

Writing on his blog, the tubby singer thought it high time he put paid to this ridiculous notion that a talent show will reap any kind of reward, as he ripped into a tirade of startlingly obvious home truths, telling future contestants what it's really like when the spotlight fades.

'You are going to struggle. No one will care about you.'

Such comments will obviously serve as an almighty punch in the underpants to the hundreds of small town inbreds who intend on embarking on the annual pilgrimage to be scoffed at by Simon Cowell, or called 'dog' by Randy Jackson. But to most of the rest of the world, it's all really quite obvious.

Sligh, to further remind you, was one of the unfortunates who faded under the Jordin Sparks sunbeam during the sixth season of the show, and regardless of the hopeless nature of his failure to win, he claims to be one of the most successful entrants from that particular installment. He is now a full time musician/singer. Yet, even so, the bitter rage still spews forth like molten rocks spluttered from a dragon's sneezing nose.

'You're not going to be successful. You're not going to be millionaires.'

He continues to say:

'They're not going to buy your album.'

A hunch suggests that Sligh's big fat slice of truth pie won't stop anyone from giving it a go for season eight, or nine, or twelve, or whatever it is. Mainly because his observations were near pointless, as even a brain damaged dog could tell you that once these things finish, only the smallest handful of hopefuls will ever be heard from again. In fact, even the winners can fall pretty flat once released from the shackles of a weekly sing-off. Taylor Hicks won the thing, then his output totally failed to float anyone's onions. It is, in short, a lottery.

Suggestions for Chris' next tirade include: 'Has anyone else noticed that Starbucks sell coffee?' Or 'Isn't it WEIRD that Superman wears underpants OUTSIDE his trousers? What is THAT about?'

Perhaps to shed a little more light on Chris' unfortunate demise, here's a clip of the big man in action…



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