GLEE: It's High School Musical - the Disney + Popular with Ugly Betty colour accent and they smoke pot too. Interested?

***Please welcome your newest recapper into the fold, SoiledUndies! You have been requesting Glee, so we are delivering with four recaps this week, starting at the beginning. Give her time to catch up, as she was assigned late in the game. Take it away with the pilot ep, Undies!

Victoria Beckham might have said it first but I live and own it. I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body and I love it! How appropriate that I would've been assigned one of the most colorful, shiniest, gayest shows possible! Yay!



Didn't believe me when I said colorful, shiny and gay right? Without further delay;

Aaaaand.....we open up with the title sequence from Bring It On. Cool. I liked that movie. The first one with Kirsten Dunst and Faith from Buffy and that cute guy from Swimfan who just can't seem to strike it big in H-wood despite those puppy brown eyes and lush lips that just make you want to squeeze him to your bosom HARD.

Ahhh...were was I? Cheerleaders doing a routine. Pretty good stuff. They are being supervised by gym teacher Sue Sylvester played by the delightful Jane Lynch. I've only seen her in about two things but she always comes across as a menopausal starved cougar - which is a good thing! I hereby dub thee Sue-cougar.



Who wouldn't want to tap that?! The cheerleader's grand finale is to balance on top of one another while holding one leg in the air. Let's call it a pyramid. Nice. Until one biatch falls off destroying the illusion. Sue-cougar blows her whistle (she does this rather well by the way - practice makes perfect!) and makes some wisecrack which no matter how many times I rewind and replay I don't get. Sowy. The first Gasmii to explain that to me gets a cookie. Annnnnnnd go!

Will Schuester, another teacher who just might be the protagonist, drives up in a bucket of bolts car and passes in front of - HEY! It that Miley Cyrus' ex-bf?! That underwear model kid?! Justin Gaston, Gastin... something?! He's hot! I love a man with thick ...eyebrows!

Some poor kid, think a Caucasian Justin from Ugly Betty, is getting tortured by the school Jocks. Some terrible fate is about to befall him. He begs for mercy, lisping "Please, this is Marc Jacobs". I say kick his ass too! I love my gays but all that designer shit is overpriced! You should be ashamed about wasting your money on Marc Jacobs! Now Zac Posen is another story...Ralph Lauren too I can appreciate oh and Badgley Mischka is just heavenly darling!

The Head Jock who has yet to be given a name (and I am so not IMDBing that shit) looks like a younger Daniel Mead also from Ugly B, orders the jocks to pause long enough in their torture of Marc Jacobs so that the kid can hand Mr. Head (Mmmmmm...head) his designer jacket. After doing so they throw him in a dumpster.

The camera pauses long enough for us to see a flicker of regret on Head Jock's face. Awwww...the butch football douche has real feelings ya'll! So that made me think. He wasn't taking the jacket for himself, he was holding onto it for the little Queen so it wouldn't become covered in last week's school lunch mystery meat. Sweet. That's a pal!

Now I'm from South Africa ya'll and I've never heard of this "Glee" club. We don't have them in our school unless we're talking about the Drama club. Is this Glee a real club? I've watched Popular, Buffy and the first High School Musical Movie and I don't recall a Glee club. This the new thang that the kids are doing?

We find Mr. Schue standing in front of the vast trophy cabinet of William McKinley High School where he's paying particular homage to the Glee memorial plague... Okay. Cut to;

Hola! Como estas! Muy Caliente!!!!! Mr. S is also the Espanol teacher?! HOLLAh!!!!! Now he has just risen 10 whole points of hotter in my book!



Despite the fact that he has no lips. I have a wild obsession with Spain that I will reveal at another time. Oh hell, why not now? I love their football team and by football I mean soccer, have you seen those players? HAWT. I'm writing a screenplay set in Spain and the word "Spanish" is in the title and I desperately trying to learn Espanol. That's my plug for the season. Back to Spanish 101, where we focus on Head Jock whose eyes blur from...boredom? He actually looks like he might pass out.



Yo soy bored (o) A piano teacher (Sandy) guiding his young protegee through a touching rendition of ...some fagulous (Mr. Pianoman is wearing a pink shirt with a pink cardie draped across his shoulders...GAY ALERT! GAY ALERT!) song.



See how he sneers and ignores "Amber"

However "Mark" gets the blowjob face expression. Body language People. Suddenly the teach strokes (note the dramatic hand gesture) his protegee - HeLolita into silence. Angry bees buzz as we see some chick staring daggers at them. M'kay. This will become relevant later I hope.

Staff room and no coffee. The burly sports coach, Coach Tubs, I'm assuming he's the coach cause he's scuffing down donuts and has a sweatsuit on, is recruiting Will into striking because of the coffee drought. Enter Sue-cougar with a couple of lattes to quiet down the stooge while lecturing us on the perfect latte which she likes "scalding!" I bet you do Hun!



Get it while it's hot and fresh boys! The coffee that is. Charlie?! From Ugly Betty! WTF! Since when is Betty on Fox? Or are we just keeping with the times and being green and recycling? Because I hated her character on Betty I will have to hate her now. She's also freakin' dressed like a Kmart "ladies' who lunch" Martha Stewart. Wait - Wal-Mart is more national right? Wal-Mart(ha) then. Gross yellow plastic faux pearls. Yeah, I'm a hating. She broke up Betty and Henry! WAHHHHH! Slutty then gives my cutie Willie Schue (I decided I like him) a flirty glance, batting her eyelashes a mile a minute. Bitch. Hands off my Spanish stallion!

She inquires annoyingly about the lattes and I love the fact that she didn't get one. HA! Take that whore! Sue-cougar explains that the coffee budget funds were relocated to pay for a nutritionist for her Little Cheerleading squad. The Cheerios. LOL. Wal-Mar(tha) bitch notes that S-cougar was "like 600 dollars over budget" and WTF! Is she like, a valley girl! OMG, she is going to annoy me no end.

S-cougar refers to them as her "performers" and credits that they did not get on Fox Sports Net coz they were too chunky. Walmart Martha bitchily snipes back that she didn't know cheerleaders were now known as "performers". S-coug blinks back an eye twitch and tries to restrain herself from flying across the table at that bobble head twig and replies "your resentment is delicious". Not bad but it's not as effective as pulling a blade and cutting the bitch. But since it's the first epi, I'll let it slide. Sue-cougar exits the staff room letting Martha know she has a "phoner" i.e. an interview with a major media outlet that she'll conduct from her iPhone. Fake smiles and evils eyes as the S-cougar backs out through the door ass first, like any good hunter keeping her opponent firmly in sight.

Martha meanwhile has taken out some gloves and is disinfecting her table with some wipes. Oh please! Why did S-cougar not slam her head down on the table and force her to lick it! Couch Tubs makes a pull at his belt and heads over to seduce Martha with his sexy tubby gut. *Big smile* He missed her at the mixer. She suppresses a grimace and spews something about a pipe bursting in her apartment building. In the same breath she laments about how she can't stand those meat market mixers and how she gave her number to a fireman and he didn't call her. Boo hoo witch! My heart bleeds.



"Think he minded that I used gloves during his handjob?"

Cutie Will reassures her that she will find her significant other. As the chocolate chip cookie he's about to dive into pulls his full attention he misses the deranged starved cat look on Martha's face.

Awwww..."Let me smile at you before I bite into you Mr. Cookie. My dimples will ease the pain."

Someone else is hungry too. And I don't think the psycho is gonna settle for a cookie.
Omg! First Henry and now my Will! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please God no!!!!!!!!!!!! *SOB* Bitch mentions that Sandy (piano pedophile) got fired and this bit of info causes Willie boy to light up. Sandy was the head of the Glee club and now there's an opening...who's gonna take over the Glee club?

"I'd like to take over Glee club" Boy Scout Will appeals. And hey! Here's that cool Indian actor with that cool Indian accent! Love him! (Or maybe he's Pakistani...) Indian Principal asks Willie "You wanna captain the Titanic too?" LOL, Yes I did that line in an Indian accent!

So before the haters start commenting, let me fill you in on my heritage; "French, Portuguese, Spanish, Indian" - maternal side. "Irish, Afrikaans, British" on my paternal. Also I am a South African. That's right. I am from the Motherland. Which means I am untouchable! I can make fun of basically any race and can get no shit for it. Just try it biatches! *DON'T MAKE ME SNAP MY FINGERS IN A Z FOR -MA - TION!*



Word. Awww...Will wants to raise the outcasts of Glee club's self esteem. They all have MySpace pages to keep them from feeling invisible. Ummm...was this show written by West coasters? Coz MYSPACE IS DEAD! Facebook Darlings! Myspace is only still semi relevant on the West Coast and only by people who practice Incest. I kid. Did Myspace pay for this? Good choice, you picked a winner, it still won't save your asses though. Sorry.

Principal informs Will that in order to keep Glee club going, Willie boy will have to fork over $60 bucks of his own paycheck a month. So not fair! But until Glee club brings the same prestige as Sue-cougars Cheerwhores the outcasts will not be privy to the same budget.

Will lies in bed shirtless plotting how to hide that missing $60 from his wife's attention. Ummm...by keeping your shirt off? That sure would distract me huney! He also ponders about getting the kids motivated...by coming up with a new name of course! Ding! Not a bad idea. The new name for the dorks; "New Directions". *crickets* Maybe you should just not think and keep your shirt off Will.

Oooooohhh...audition montage for Glee Club. Beyonce in Aretha Franklin's body is the first up. Diva sings out "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" and AMEN to that! You're in. Next!



Step aside Kelly Rowland. Meet the new, NOT-Beyonce. Token Gay, Marc Jacobs holds a Broadway note while making sure not a hair is out of place in his sideswept bang style. Work it sister.



Someone has their "O" face down.


Good to see he'll be able to multi-task during sex. Hardcore Avril Lavigne Asian Lez does Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" and demonstrates some S&M moves to go with it. Rock on girl. I mean man. I mean dude. Ma'am, Sir!



Not gonna comment on this one. I'm a little intimidated... Hey, it's the chick that was staring at the piano pedophile and the boy Lolita. She signs her name on the audition sheet as Rachael Berry and belts out "On my Own" from Les Miserables. Impressive but kinda cheesy. Like extra Gorgonzola. We've seen this shit before.



We've also seen this lighting before in this very familiar sentimental, inspirational, uplifting scene. Snooze. She goes on to put a gold star after her name informing us that she always puts a gold star after her name as this is a metaphor for her being a star. *more crickets* I'm gonna like this chick. Delusion is my favorite deadly sin. It's the 9th one, right after batshit crazy. As RachBerry smiles at her gold star all starry eyed, she turns away and immediately gets a slushy drink thrown in her face. OMG, so cruel. I suppose it could be funny to some sicko but that was just sad. Awwww...well I'm sure she'll say something obnoxious later to justify that.

And two secs later I'm right. Turns out Sandy, piano pedophile and former teach in charge of Glee club was fired because Rachbitch was pissed that he gave her solo to heLolita. She ratted them out to Principal Abdullah who LMFAO watches her fake tears without expression while handing her the Kleenx.

But Rach is no homophobe! She has two gay dads! Two gays + a surrogate baby mama+ a turkey baster =



Ewww...couldn't they have wiped the placenta off the baby before taking a pic? M'kay. If there was any cranberry stuffing involved I'm thinking maybe it's not such a bad formula after all.

Rachbitch was spoiled as a kiddy. Her ego was nurtured from babyhood with dance lessons, vocal coaches - anything to give her a competitive edge. She posts Myspace vids daily, which keeps her too busy to date. What a loss to boyhood. I'm sure they are crying buckets Rach. P.S. MYSPACE IS DEAD!

She does say one true thing though: fame is the most important thing, and no one is gonna hand it to her you have to work for it. Go Girl! The cheerwhores post rude comments on her Myspace vid and my heart squeezes out a single pity drop. Okay, you got a supporter Rachbitch but try to keep the cuntiness to a minimum please. Back to her audition song. Snooze. Willie praises her and she snippily asks when rehearsals start. *Half a smile*

Glee club rehearsal. They suck. Five members, why did we not see the wheel chair boy audition? Discrimination much?! S'okay Rollerboy, I'm in your corner Hot wheels. Rachbitch voices my opinion of suckage and storms off. Minus brownie point.

Willie goes to find Rach, stroking her ego by pronouncing her the best kid. Slap the uppity bitch! Rach starts whining that she needs a male lead to compliment her talent. She doesn't want to be laughed at any longer and will not waste her time with Glee club ...and blah blah blah..."it hurts too much" "everyone hates her" she is just so misunderstood. Support withdrawn. Pass me a slushie.

Uh oh the Principal wants to withdraw his Glee club support as the AA wants to rent the auditorium. In order to save his lame club Will has to agree to do Detention for free. Abdullah you suck. Will grow a fucking spine man!

Will goes to visit his bitch wife at work; Bed, Bath and Beyond, only they're not a sponsor so it's called "Sheets and Things". Sweet Will brings her a sandwich which she can't eat because it will give her diabetes and she won't be able to get preggers. This woman should be sterilized anyway. Will informs her of his detention deal and she freaks out because she'll have to go home and cook dinner for herself. She works hard, okay? Four hours a day, three days a week! And now the spineless wimp she married to is not gonna feed her! LOL, I take it back. I love you. You have a right to be taken care of!

As Will slinks out he runs into the axed Glee teach, piano pedophile Sandy - Pianoped. Pianoped is not at all perturbed about being kicked out as he has supplemented his income by becoming a drug dealer. He's being legally supplied "Medical marijuana" by his doc with the excuse that he has trouble sleeping. God bless America. Who are his clientele you ask? Couch Tubs for one. Sands gives Will a complimentary package as consolation for having taken up Glee club. I have a bad...toe. Can I get some hash too? For my toe? To...ease the pain? No. Okay fine then!



How much for some pillow talk with the monkey Will?
Ooooohhhh neat parallel sequence featuring the adorable Will consulting with Wal-Mart(ha) and S-cougar. Walmart just stepped into a blob of gum with her tacky ass discount shoes. And ew, do you guys know that Christian Siriano is designing a line for Payless?

So not FIERCE! but I will be first in line. I'm gonna blame the recession. The recession is the new excuse for everything. You have split ends? Blame the recession. Gained five plus pounds - recession. Your allegedly straight boyfriend cheated on you with your gay bff - wake -up doll! You've been a BEARD for yea number of years now! That's not the recession that's blindness and or denial!



That gum just did the world a favor. Those shoes are FUG. Neat parallel sequence with Will asking Wal-Martha (I will be finding ways to shorten these names) and S'cougar (the apostrophe gives it something - panache) for advice with regard to G-club. Willie wants more kiddies to join The G. More specifically he wants Sue's Cheerios to join G Club. Mama is real happy about this - NOT. She explains the social ranking system of High School to Will making sure he knows the Glee kids are bottom of the barrel. Not even a part of the barrel. Know the fungi growing on the scummy bottom? Glee Club are the food that those fungi feed on (do fungi eat?) translation LOSERS!

According to Sue, kids should stay within their designated class while Wal-Martha thinks that he might be able to recruit a few kids if he can get their leaders, the cream of the High School society, to join first. Actual smart idea. Too bad she delivers it in the most babyish voice and makes my ears bleed. Also Will has been scraping the gum off the bottom of her shoe with what? A credit card? *shaking my head* She has trouble with the messy stuff. I would shove that gum in her hair and yell at her to get over it.

OOOhhhh!!!!! Boy's locker room!!! HELLO! *crossing my fingers for peen shots* Oh wait this is family TV. Boo. Will has convinced Coach Tubs to let him talk to the jocks about joining G club. The boys probably think that "G" stands for "gay". Will gives some two second half assed speech that I actually dozed off during. Head Jock whose name I still haven't heard gives a kind of smile spasm. The boy's a little twitchy.

Despondent Will looks at the signup sheet. Three entries, "Gaylord Wiener (I think he's German) Butt Lunch and Penis. Is his first name "Big" or "Hard"? Maybe Penis is his first name. Could "Erect" be his last? So many pressing questions. The last one has promise I think but I'm betting none of these guys show up for the audition.

Hark! Is that John Travolta singing? Hey! It's Head Jock who's taking a shower and oh my! He's all...wet and suddenly so am I.

The kid is belting it out and showcasing some dance moves too complete with soap bar mike. In a strangely homo erotic scene Will starts walking towards the shower obviously captivated by the boys talent (official story) while the editors throw in shots of HJ's various body parts. I mean a shot of his dancing feet. Chest and head. Subliminal messaging?



AND they're wet. You're welcome my foot fetish friends.

This look never leaves Will's face.



Though he does tilt his head. To get a better view perhaps?! Will's office. Will slides over the grass comped to him by Pianoped across the table. HJ looks at in dumbstruck. It's not his! He's prepared to pee in a cup! The kid is smarter than he looks! Will's heart grinds to a halt one millisecond but he recovers nicely informing HJ that possession is eight tenths of the law. It's a felony. HJ could lose his Football scholarship, go to prison. Will pulls some emotional BS on the poor kid. Will expected more from HJ! Wow, spreading that butter on a little thick! And it's not butter btw, it's margarine! You're the one manipulating the kid! I expect more from you!

HJ takes over narration telling us his life story. Single parent family, dad died in war. Only positive thing in his mom's life was shacking up with the gardener (I use the term loosely here) who used to spray some green paint over the dirt in their yard and call it a lawn. While doing so young HJ helped out whilst golden oldies played over the radio/ on the record machine (gramophone) and that's how HJ learned to sing. The grass painter left HJ's mom for some young tramp and HJ just wants to make his Mama proud. A good ol' simple country boy at heart is our HJ.

Back to Will's office. Either HJ does detention for 6 weeks that will stay on his permanent record or...

"I got chills! They're multiplying!" Didn't I mention Grease! Didn't I?! Damn I'm good and so is HJ! Rachbitch immediately zeroes in on that action and Olivia Newton John's over to him. HJ looks scared as Rach tugs him around but thankfully whatshername steps in break up the party. Aretha Franklin divas out and informs Will she's Beyonce not Kelly Rowland! No Huney, to be more accurate you resemble Mo'Nique from Charm School. Okay girl, you are now Mo'Nique. Be thankful it's not worse.

Boring domestic scene with Will and Poodle the Wife. I think I might be running a little long with all the bitching and whining so I'm gonna super summarize this part. She's crazy and jealous and he's a hopeless idealist. She has a Pottery Barn Christmas ornament fetish and he doesn't want to be an accountant. She wants a glue gun that works. Got that?

She thinks Will is just trying to recapture his glory days. She wants him to stop this childishness so she can afford to buy more mahogany toilet brush holders.

Another signup sheet to chaperone a field trip for G club to view a rival school. Wal-Martha signs her name while trying to keep her eyes from popping out of her head. Is she going to do this crazy eyed thing every time?! Ramona from Real Housewives of New York City has competition for her crown then.

Couch Tubs is yelling at HJ for missing practice on Sat due to G Club's field trip. HJ's bff Asshole Jerk Jock complete with Mullet, witnesses this. He inquires what the sitch is. HJ makes up some lame ass story about his momma being sick and he needing to care for her. She just had surgery. She had to have her prostate removed. *BLINK*

While grilling her Cheerios, another gem of a Sue-ism: "You think this is hard, I'm living with Hepatitis. That's hard!" I. HEART. YOU.

It's Saturday and we're at Rival school. Rachberry is putting the moves on HJ by suggesting that they become an item. Everyone expects it. HJ shuts her down by informing her he already has a GF. Resident Cheer Queen, perky blond and President of the Celibacy club. Flash to HJ and Blondie heavily making out. Yes! Some action at last! She pulls away with a saucy glint in her eye and suggests that they... pray. *throttling air*

Willie and Waltha (Wal-Martha is now Waltha ppl, keep up) are also in line and hungry. She offers him "halfsies" on a PBJ while I slap my forehead in disgust. Since when is acting and lisping like a six year old attractive in a spinster of fifty?! Oh yes! This explains why she doesn't have a man!
The next part is blurred because I have been reduced to hitting the Maker's Mark. This bitch is ruining my AA, I don't have a problem I did a voluntary "detox" regime.

Will talks about his marital problems while Waltha suppresses the urge to throw herself at his feet and offering to swallow.



Focal Adrenalin? That's the name of G's rivals? Oooo - kay. I'm about to talk some smack about the name and then this happens;



GOT

THEIR

SHIT TOGETHER. HOT DAYUM!!! They just killed Amy Winehouse's (who I happen to be a fan of) "Rehab". Dang! Glee club try to hinge their jaws back together as they realize that they're fucked.

HJ walks off dejectedly and then gets cornered by Asshole Mullet Jock who's with a bunch of the other bozos. AMJ knows that HJ lied coz, those of the female persuasion tend not to have prostates! HJ gets paintballed. No not slapped by his colleagues' balls that have been dipped in paint! By paintballs from those toy guns. You dirty minded people! I approve.

Will comes home; Poodle informs him that she's pregnant. Oh. There were also two champagne glasses and a "Congratulations" banner involved. End scene.

Well, now that he has a brat on the way, Willie boy no longer needs to work out his daddy frustrations and decides to kick Glee Club to the curb. Bad Daddy Will! These kids will be scarred for life with abandonment issues. All the kids spout out lame cliche stuff like "we can't do this without you". Will is equally regretful about having to make a sacrifice and having to grow up. *Yawn* I hate this heartfelt shit. Take your shirt off Will.

Waltha. I take a huge swig from my bottle of Marker's Mark. Will is filling out an application for that Accounting firm. Finally smartening up are ya cowboy? Good for you now who wants to bet that googly eyed tramp is gonna call him out on it. "Accounting is sexy" says Willie suggestively...Ooooohhh yeah Baby - wait! Henry was an accountant! I'm seeing a pattern here! Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! Willie! OMG, Know who Waltha looks like? Swoosie Kurtz. But Swoosie actually has sex appeal. Also, she can act. Waltha is fug. She a 99c rip-off of Swoosie Kurtz is what she is!

Rach corners HJ and explains that Glee club is still on and she's taking over. HJ's little blond cheerleading Bibletease comes up and addresses Rach as "RuPaul". *Eyes up and down roll. Not to be confused with the semi-circle roll* HJ doesn't want to do G club anymore, kinda ruins his rep see Sweetheart? Rach tries to appeal to his humanity and tell him he is better than his snob friends. He's special. Zzzzz...

Asshole Mullet Jerk is drilling HJ about Glee club. HJ just explains that he didn't have a choice and AMJ accepts him back into the fold. He also has a gift for him. It's Hot Wheels Rollerboy stuck in a one of these temporary lavatories that they have for construction workers, port-a -potty! That's the thing!

The other football jerks thought it would be funny to relieve the stinky contents of their bowels and then stick Hot Wheels in the potty. They also planned to turn it over. Morons. HJ thinks this is a stupid as shit idea as well and rescues Hot Wheels.

AMJ calls him out for being a loser and HJ admits that he is a loser, they are all losers.
He gives a great speech and I'm nominating the writers for an Emmy. He's not going to turn his back on G club because it makes him happy. So he's going to quit the Football team? No. HJ is gonna do both coz both team and club need him to win! "I'm doing both. Coz you can't win without me and neither can they" OH SNAP! *STANDING OVATION FOLLOWED BY MEXICAN WAVE* Awesome, get this kid an award too!

Glee club meeting headed by Rach. None of the other kids are happy with her self appointed leadership. HJ comes in pushing Hot Wheels. He quickly asserts himself as Alpha Male and takes charge of the pack, assigning them roles and duties. Hurray for efficiency.

Back to Wal-Martha and Will. She shows him a tape of himself performing in a disco number in '93. Only we don't get to see the tape...because...they didn't have the budget to shoot it? Lame. Will tears up and reminiscences about how happy he was, what a joy it brought to him. But the cold hand of reality brings him back to earth when thinking of the diapers and formula that has to be purchased. He has to provide for his family.

Martha worries that Will be teach his child that money is the most important thing but the truth is that following your passion is more powerful - yadda yadda yadda.

As a film student and writer living in New York City I can tell you that MONEY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! It may not buy everything but it makes everything possible! "The only life worth living is one you're really passionate about" That's nice. I'll have my passionate life with money, thanks. Or possibly buy passion with my MONEY!

As Will exits school, he happens upon the Auditorium where G club is conveniently launching into the epic "Don't Stop Believin" by Journey, complete with accompanying band and color co-ordinated outfits. Nothing unusual or staged about this at all folks!



Damn. They sure stretched that $ 60 a long way. Please help us out with the economy too kids! Pretty damn great! Even though Rach is jumping around like a chipmunk strung out on coke.
Will watches tearing up. Once they finish he offers his critique and if I were those kids I would've said fuck you to him. Or maybe I would've demanded he strip and then swatted him on the nose with a newspaper. Either way it works.

YAY GLEE!