Today Show Halloween Special Fulfills Every Old Unemployed Virgin's Deepest Wishes

Let's kick things off with my new computer wallpaper, shall we?



As has become an American Halloween Tradition, the fine people over at The Today Show took a budget equivalent to the GDP of Nebraska and funneled that cash into the most extravagant, serious, over-the-top Halloween Costume Parade that one could ever hope for. The show is notorious for their Halloween Special, but perhaps no year has ever been as themed as today. That theme? Morning Show Masturbation Fantasies for Middle-Aged Jobless Virgins. Or, as it is more commonly known as, 'Star Wars.'



Yes, Matt Lauer got out of a giant airplane (we're sure there's a special word for that vehicle, but we're too lazy to look it up), and Meredith Viera donned her favorite knish-muffs for her Princess Leia costume. It was all a very civilized affair indeed…

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That is… until Kathie Lee and Hoda showed up.

Hoda, punning off of her own name, made for an ALL TOO CONVINCING Yoda (thanks, clearly, to the same makeup team used in the movie Norbit, we think), while Kathie Lee opted for something a little more kinky: C3PO. For two accomplished journalists/hosts, it's 5:45 that really captures their genius in a way that words never could:

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But as much as we adore and want to get wasted with Kathie Lee and Hoda, the real stars of the show were of an entirely different breed: The Ewoks. While the idea of dwarfs inside the costumes publicly terrifies us, we gotta admit, the costumes are HUHLUHLUHLARIOUS. Like audible LLOL (literally laugh out loud) style. Then Ann Curry roles in as Darth Vader and our regularly scheduled nightmare commences, replete with an Ewok HUMPING AL ROKER'S LEG. It must be hard for a tiny Michael Jackson impersonator to bottle up his personality in that little brown plush suit, for real:

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Congrats, Today Show team. Another year, another win.