Brad & Angelina get married�' by Maddox, plus triangle drama

Posted Oct 30 via Celebitchy 2009-10-30 16:51:05

In Touch's uncool Bermuda Triangle is much of the same crap they're been shoveling for the past ... what is now?... four years and ten months or so. I suppose the twist is that they've joined their normal last straw�' story of Brad is sick of Angelina, must run back to Jennifer Aniston as fast as his little legs can carry him�' with a more current story. This version is about Brad's motorcycle accident over the weekend - according to IT, he got in the accident because he was in such a rush to meet Aniston. Oh, yes. The gerbils are leaking stories all over the place! Allegedly, Brad texted Jennifer to set up a meeting to talk about her rumored reunion with John Mayer. IT's source claims Brad thinks Mayer is nothing but trouble�' but Jennifer is rubbing the relationship in his face�'. Ugh. So he asked for a meeting, and then got into an accident, and they didn't meet, I guess. Whatever.

In Touch also say Angelina's retaliation�' against Brad's independent streak�' is to reconnect with her two ex-husbands, Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton. Some source overheard Billy Bob telling friends that he and Angelina speak all the time, and apparently, Angelina may still talk to Jonny. Which doesn't sound that weird, because she and Jonny seemed to have maintained a genuine friendship for many years after their divorce. IT claims that Angelina knows Brad gets jealous�' of her relationships/friendships with men, and she speaks to men on purpose, knowing it will get him riled up. Whatver.

The National Enquirer also had a story revolving around the Triangle and the motorcycle crash, but it was kind of boring. The gist was that Jennifer Aniston was really scared that Brad could have hurt himself, while Angelina was all meh�'. Meanwhile, Life & Style's take on the accident was courtesy of a named eyewitness/resident of the building that Brad went to wait for help. Talia Schwartz claims: “He told the building manager that Angie was going to kill him because she thinks motorcycles are too dangerous.�' Uh... but Angelina rides motorcycles too.

My favorite Brangelina tabloid story of the week comes from Star Magazine. It's just as credible as all the other ones (re: not so much), but it made me laugh, and my mood definitely needs improvement. Star reports that while Brad and Angelina were staying in France, they got married�'. But not really... they just had a fake ceremony with Maddox acting as the justice of the peace. Seriously!

Brad and Angelina held an intimate, romantic marriage ceremony at their French chateau, with all six of their kids by their side.

They threw themselves a wedding for the sake of the kids,�' an insider tells Star. Maddox has been pressing his parents to get married for a long time. It wasn't legally binding, but it was important for them to have a special ceremony to let the kids know they're just like married people.�'

The ceremony was conducted by 8-year-old Maddox, who put Shiloh, 3, in charge of the rings. He was adorable when he mispronounced the word 'bearer' and told Shiloh, 'You're the ring bear.' She was thrilled,�' the insider says.

Zahara was the flower girl, Pax got to be best man and 15-month-old twins Knox and Vivienne giggled as they watch the ritual unfold in the Grand Hall of the magnificent Chateau Miraval.

Mad was so honored to marry Mommy and Daddy... He learned all about traditional wedding vows and memorized a lot of it. But he ended up reading off a piece of paper.�' Brad and Angie also read their favorite poems and stories aloud.

The bride wore a simple, flowing white dress while the groom was dashing in a suit. All the kids wore costumes... Shiloh had her sword, Maddox was in a camouflage army top while Pax dressed in an Adidas outfit. Zahara wore a dress and a plastic Disney tiara.�'

[From Star Magazine, print edition, November 9 2009]

The wedding meal provided to the wedding party was home-baked bread, salad and cheeseburgers. And one cake, which led to a food fight - Angie couldn't stop laughing... Shi had cake in her hair!�' Star also claims that Brad got emotional, like a little girl. He apparently called his family and told them about the wedding�' and now he and Angelina are thinking about doing it for real. Yeah... I don't think that it will happen, but the image of Shiloh as ring bear�' and Zahara in her tiara is a good one, isn't it?