Let's All Pitch In And Buy The Rights To Terminator, You Guys!

I was casually flipping through Variety this morning over a classic Hollywood breakfast of half a grapefruit, some cottage cheese, and a cocaine-and-egg-white omelet (no, I wasn't!) when I happened upon this bit of BREAKING news:

An auction is set for January for Halcyon Co. to sell the rights to future "Terminator" pics, TV series, DVDs and merchandise as part of its bankruptcy process.

Ay-ay-ay! You guys! This is our ticket out of this DUMP! If we all pool our money, I'm sure we could buy the rights to the Terminator franchise (I am not entirely sure of that) and then we would all live together in a Beverly Hills mansion, just like a family. Just like in Ken Burns's Entourage! Let's do the numbers:

"Terminator Salvation," the fourth film in the franchise, carried a production pricetag of about $200 million and took in $371 million worldwide.

Bear in mind, Terminator Salvation was awful. Now, I've done some number-crunching (no I haven't) on my TI-85, and a $371 million return on a $200 million investment is over 14,000 percent profit! Probably!

Now, we're going to need a strong pitch if we're going to beat out the Hollywood Fat Cats who we'll be competing against for this. They'll have their fancy solid-gold sportscars and their money-shaped hot tubs with built in champagne holders, but we can beat them on heart. Here are a couple of ideas for the new direction of Terminator:

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