A-Rod Sees Himself As Half Man, Half Horse []

The Yankees steroid-villain-turned-World-Series-hero has ridiculous self-portraits, Michael Jackson liked to pee into cups in public and Rihanna said her life sucked so much after she got beaten up that she might as well have been Britney!

• An ex-girlfriend of Alex Rodriguez tells Us Weekly that he has not one but two portraits of himself as a centaur above his bed. I mean we all have one picture of ourselves as a mythical creature, but two is just vanity. "It was ridiculous," the ex, who apparently has a gift for stating the obvious, told the magazine. She did not comment on whether the lower-body horse associations were justified, but Us did juxtapose this story with one about Kate Hudson telling everyone - including her parents - that A-Rod is a nickname with more than one meaning/he always comes out swinging etc. Also: her PARENTS? I know that in this instance that means Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and I've seen Overboard and can understand the desire to confide in them, but really. Who launches into stories about fucking with their parents? [Us Weekly]
• • In other fine-on-the-surface-but-what-the-fuck news: Sienna Miller and her boyfriend, a Brit named DJ Slinky (see if you can guess his occupation), were shopping for vintage underwear in Nolita yesterday, which means they're still an item or something. Still, "vintage underwear" is one of those word combinations like "amateur surgery" or "Matthew McConaughey box set" that you just don't want to see in real life. Buy new underwear people! [Page Six]
  • Michael Jackson's rabbi, the wonderfully named Schmuley Boteach, is apparently now advising Jon Gosselin. Maybe he has a bet with someone that he has to provide spiritual guidance to at least one disliked celebrity at all times. Anyway, Boteach advised Gosselin to dump his girlfriend Hailey Glassman. But instead he took her to a restaurant on Halloween and ordered staff to keep all the fake Jon Gosselins away from him. [Page Six]
  • Talking of Jackson, TMZ says that kids could identify precise details about his penis not because they were made to touch it but because he thought that peeing in front of people was funny and would just do it all the time. Dr. Arnold Klein, a friend of Jackson's, says he would frequently whip it out and urinate into a cup around groups of people. Which illuminates a whole unexpected frat-boy side of the king of pop. [TMZ]
  • Tweens so badly want Twlight co-stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to be a couple that the two have requested to do separate press for the latest in the series, New Moon, to avoid rumors. An insider tells Gatecrasher: "They really are good friends - and that's all - but they want to avoid being seen together. Any time they're photographed in the same place, the rumor mill just starts all over again, and that makes the paparazzi hound them even more." This particular insider is wise, and clearly a body language expert, and a philosopher and also a little sad for the lost love that might have been. "Honestly, it makes it very hard for them to even be friends," he or she says. perhaps with one poignant tear rolling down a cheek. "Maybe there could have been something between them, but it seems like all of the pressure surrounding their relationship has really killed it." Don't cry Mr. or Mrs. Insider. I'm sure you'll be commenting on a whole different story tomorrow. [Gatecrasher]
  • Rihanna has given an interview, to Glamour, about the Chris Brown incident. "I felt like I went to sleep as Rihanna and woke up as Britney Spears," she said of the media circus, in what must be the most unexpected swipe of the day. "It was humiliating," she said of the picture of her bruised and battered face that circulated. "That is not a photo you would show to anybody. I felt completely taken advantage of ... like people were making it into a fun topic on the Internet, and it's my life." Apologies on behalf of the internet Rihanna. [Gatecrasher]
  • Quote of the day, from Tom Ford: "fashion is one way in which we hold ourselves together. Just because I've become spiritual doesn't mean I can't love crocodile." Ford was telling W magazine about a bout of depression that struck him after he left Gucci in 2004. [Page Six]
  • The Kushners treated their son Jared and new wife Ivanka Trump to a plush weekend in Washington, Connecticut. What did the Donald do? Nothing. He just coldly played golf with Samuel L. Jackson and some guy from Law & Order and didn't pay for any weekends anywhere. [Page Six]
• Daniel Radcliffe will go nude in the new Harry Potter. No really. "Daniel Radcliffe appears naked in one scene where Harry and Ron are fighting a magical creature, who fled to confuse and create a vision. In the view we see Harry and a woman embracing and kissing. It's an intriguing scene and very sensual," director David Yates told a magazine. Add your own wands/broomsticks/wizard's sleeve joke here. [Perez Hilton]

[Image via Getty]