Kim Basinger To Probably Not Win Any Oscars Next Year, Then

Do you like everything that Steve Martin has ever done, and everything that Alec Baldwin has ever done, and the Oscars?

You do? Then you’re probably the only one. Oh, and also we’ve got some wonderful news for you. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are going to host the Oscars next year! That’s right – the hilarious brain behind The Jerk and the glowering show-stealer from Glengarry Glen Ross are combining forces to host the most glittering night in the Hollywood calendar!

Or the old man from The Pink Panther 2 and the fat bloke from Thomas And The Magic Railroad are combining forces to trudge through six hours of smug backslappery that nobody really watches any more. One or the other.

This year’s Oscars were, it’s fair to say, an unqualified success. Whoever made the decision to book Wolverine, dress him up in spandex and make him hotfoot it around the stage desperately banging out old showtunes at the top of his voice until everyone started entertaining thoughts of suicide sure does deserve a promotion!

In fact, Hugh Jackman’s turn as Oscars host was so revelatory that we assumed it’d be the formula for all other Oscar nights from now on. We thought that we’d get to see the star of a forthcoming action film thrashing through an extended song and dance number based on hokey old Hollywood in-jokes every year from now on. And that would have worked out pretty well for us, because one of our greatest ambitions has been to see Russell Crowe belt out a tapdancing version of There Is Nothing Like A Dame that’s been modified to include a reference to how old Jack Nicholson looks these days.

But that’s not to be, because the 2010 Oscar hosts have been announced as Steve Martin from The Man With Two Brains and Alec Baldwin from the world’s most needlessly acrimonious divorce. The New York Times reports:

The coming Oscar show will have a pair of hosts who are not so much matched as deliberately mismatched: Steve Martin, the versatile comic, and Alec Baldwin, a straight man who sometimes reaches for a laugh… We're expecting a spirit du combat,â€' Bill Mechanic, a producer of the Oscar show, said of the Martin-Baldwin matchup.

Now at first glance you might think that Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin make an odd combination to host the Oscars. But you’d be wrong. For starters, Steve Martin is a seasoned host of the Oscars and Alec Baldwin has shown himself to be both a formidable straight-man and a gifted impersonator. Also, both Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are famed for their work with Tina Fey, which shows that they have a complimentary sense of humour.

Most importantly, though, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are set to star in It’s Complicated – a forthcoming romantic comedy starring Meryl Streep and directed by Nancy Meyers from What Women Want that opens on Christmas day – so it’s guaranteed that neither of them will actually win an Oscar next year. Who could ask for more?

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