Nicole Kidman Is Kinky

Nicole Kidman is on the cover of Britain's GQ magazine looking like a lizard alien who has come to earth and is disguising itself as a German transsexual working as a low-budget dominatrix. Yes, I watched V last night.

In the interview with GQ, Nicky (who probably goes to bed in her oxygen chamber at 9pm each night) wants us to believe that she's done some kinky nasty dirty filthy fetish stuff in the bedroom. Although, to be fair to her, putting Scientology-approved cream on Tommy Girl's ass warts each night does counts as "kinky nasty dirty filthy fetish stuff." Shit, even being married to that crazy little Scientologist those few years counts too. There's nothing stranger than that.

Nicky told the magazine, "I've explored obsession. I've explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I've explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I've explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy."

When asked about her faux marriage to Tommy Girl, Nicky said that she will never go into detail about it and even burned some of her diaries after she married Keith Urban, "I want to honor that marriage for what it was, and there is nothing I would go into about that. I have never discussed the intricacies of it and I never will. If you know what is going on inside somebody's head all the time, that's not a good place. You can't read somebody's diary. You shouldn't read it. I burnt most of my journals after I remarried... You're only going to find out bad things."

Bitch stop! The truth is that you can't talk about it or Suri will fly through the window to cut your tongue out! And don't make it sound like you burned those diaries on your own. The ghost of L. Ron Hubbard (aka Tommy's real doll) was probably holding a zap gun (found in any 99 Cent Store) to your frozen forehead as you threw your diaries into a chiminea.

VIA Daily Mail