The City: Girls Gone Mild

This week on The Shitty: Whit, Rox, and Sam head out to The Hamptons to party it up white-people-only-style; Olivia once again half-asses her job -- wait, that's not even accurate, she quarter-asses it -- and Erin once again has to pick up the slack. But this time, Zee is involved. And Erin pretty much sums up my feelings with this look:



Whit and Roxy sit out in Central Park to sunbathe, and Whit drops the news that Freddie Fackelmayer has invited them to go to the Hamptons for the weekend. Turns out, Sam (Whit's other friend) is going too, and Roxy's like, I feel like she's competing for you (Whit). Uh, no, Roxy, that's you. Did you forget about your personality? Also, Harry WASPelmayer will be coming down to the Hamptons as well. Wheeeeeee kill me now. Credits.

And now we're at a tennis club. Hmmmm. Who on this show could possibly be preppy enough to spend his trust fund money on a membership here? Yup. Freddie. Also, what the hell is this, a Bret Easton Ellis novel turned movie? Is Jamie Gertz going to show up in the bathroom with a nosebleed? Is Robert Downey, Jr. going to have to become a prostitute in order to get his fix of good ole '80s-style blow?

Probably yes to that last one.

Whitney tells Freddie that she's taking Roxy and Sam with her to the Hamptons and gosh, she sure does hope they'll get along. Yes. Let's hope for that. There's so much interesting drama that happens when people get along. Freddie says Harry only has a week before he goes to Nantucket (not surprising, and also -- barf) so he'll be down at the WASPpound tomorrow. Wheeeeee shoot me in the head.

Back in the NYC, at Milk Studios, which is of course in the meat packing district because nothing washes down a nice ground chuck like a glass of 2%, Elle magazine is having a photo shoot. Zee says that both Erin and Olivia have on really high shoes today, can they cope? He tells them they can change into sneakers. They all have a good laugh about it.

"Tee hee! Sneakers are what the lady who cleans my toilet wears, silly!"


Zee explains that this issue is about bloggers and their style and accessories. So, a decade old hoodie, a 2 liter of Diet Pepsi, a can of Pringles, and a pack of menthols? Because I don't know about you, but when I blog, I tend to look like shit. Isn't that the point? Olivia is in charge of giving Q & A to the bloggers and asking them about their style, and Zee says he doesn't want to be all, Oh shoot "we should have asked these questions, at the end of the day." Then fire Olivia, maybe? Just a thought.

Sam is driving the gals down the highway to the Hamptons and I think Roxy is already drunk, which, I have to say, good for her, because that's totally what I would be doing. I'd be drunk all weekend if I had to spend it with the freakin' Fackelmayers. Roxy tells a story about how she once got so wasted that she got a tattoo of "the weirdest shit" on her "crotch" and doesn't even remember it. Oh, bullshit. I have gotten completely and totally wasted many times and I have never, ever done anything that I don't remember. And as such, I don't believe that actually happens. And by that logic, I don't believe heterosexual sex actually happens either. The gals car-dance to Mariah Carey or something and Roxy stands up out of the moon roof.

The house in the Hamptons is, of course, white. Freddie welcomes them. Harry's swimming, and after introductions, Roxy's like, "Have you guys been tanning?" And Freddie's like, "We went surfing," and then Roxy says, "No, you guys have been in the booth." Ha! Ahahahaha! Roxy's beginning to grow on me. Just a little. And, she's totally started drinking because she bitchily says she's gonna hang with the "Frankenmiles's." Ha! Ahahaha! Roxy's also really ready to party and really flirty with the Fackelmeyers, but you know who's not impressed?

"I'm not. Friend stealing ho-bag."

Holy crap, why does MTV Online have like 5 minutes of commercials now? I might as well be watching cable, geez. Back at Milk, Olivia interviews Jane who blogs at Sea of Shoes. I think she asks okay questions, but Erin overhears and thinks she didn't ask enough (she did only ask 3 questions and no follow-ups, so yeah, she sucks). Also,

Sweetie, no. Just . . . just no.

Olivia interviews Tommye Fitzpatrick about her fashion blog (fashionologie.com if you're interested. I'm not.), but the questions are lame, and Erin says they can't talk about the trends Olivia asked about because it's July not October. If you're in fashion, I'm sure you understand that. And then Olivia leaves because she's put in her 3.5 hours for the week. Erin's frustrated with her and complains to Glasses Girl about it, all, We're Elle -- we TELL people about fashions, we don't ASK people about them! Which is true. Erin then sits down with Tommye and starts interviewing her, the way it should be done -- casual, like a conversation between two friends. Man, Olivia just should not have a job.

Back at the WASPpound, Freddie and Harry are discussing Crazy Roxy! She's crazy! Freddie's like, "She's gonna punch somebody in the face tonight!"

God, please let it be true. And let it be him.

Roxy and Whit are putting on makeup, and Roxy says that Sam doesn't like her, and Whit wants her to give Sam the benefit of the doubt. Sam talks with Harry and Freddie about Roxy, but she never says she doesn't like Roxy, she's just not sure about all the wildness. So they head out to the Lily Pond club, so named because you have to be lily white in order to get in, in the East Hamptons. Geez, can you smell the pretentiousness through your TV or computer screen? It reeks. It smells like CK1 . . . People dance and drink $14 bottles of Bud Light. Freddie tells Whitney as long as she's having fun, that's all that matters.

"I'm having so much fun I could stab someone while listening to Huey Lewis and the News."

Freddie seems a bit concerned about Harry flirting with Whitney, and he has every right to be because apparently, he kissed her (Whit whispers this to Sam). But Freddie remains calm and collected:



Roxy, however, actually remains calm, and her face is like, I cannot believe I'm here with these douchebags. Word, Rox. And then Harry drops a big bomb on Whitney: Freddie has a girlfriend. Whit asks why Freddie's never with her, and Harry says that he probably wants it that way. Like the Backstreet Boys. Whitney grabs Roxy and says she's ready to get the heck out of Dodge.

The next morning, back at the WASPpound, Whit and Roxy talk it out and Roxy says Freddie gets away with way too much. Totally. Whit says it's kind of effed up that she heard it from his brother. Roxy's like, Call his girlfriend and tell her -- no I'LL call his girlfriend! Um, not to be That Guy, but first you'd have to get her number, and I doubt Freddie would give it to you.

Back at Elle, Erin gets a call from Zee and she and Olivia have to go to his office. Oooh, shit. Here we go. Zee asks about the cover shoot, and Olivia says she's concerned because "both girls said they loved shoes." Oh, dear. Zee is like, what did you ask? "Did you ask about personal style?" Oh, totally, Olivia says -- It's on her pad of paper . . . except it's not. But she DOES have it, she just has to go back and get it. While you're out, maybe you could get some professionalism and work ethic? Hmmm, sweetie? Throw in some preparedness too. Zee says that she did a "lackluster" job and he's "surprised" because she did such a "great job on the A to Zee column." Zee says that now they have to follow up with the bloggers. But wait, Erin says that they don't, because she interviewed them afterward. Erin tells Olivia (and Zee) that they were there for an interview and to find things out about the bloggers that people couldn't find out from their sites and by googling them (now, THIS girl knows how to do her job) and they can't be all, "Oh, we'll just follow up later." Olivia completely says, "Whatever, it doesn't matter." Again, in front of BOTH her bosses, and Erin is all, "It DOES matter, because I wouldn't have had to stay and do your job, essentially." And then? Eight seconds of silence. Like, literally. Eight seconds. Zee tells Olivia that he has to depend on her, and he can't walk away and say, "I'm not sure that she got it. And you're here because I believe in your taste, your eye, your passion for fashion . . . so, don't disappoint, just do it."

"So this is how it feels to poo yourself in Prada."

The chicas at the WASPpound go to the pool, and Roxy's like, "I'm not speaking to you Freddie." He asks what happened, and Roxy says, "I don't know ladies, what happened now?" And Whit's like, Harry told me you have a girlfriend. And Freddie literally says, "But . . . I don't know." Ha, what?! Roxy reminds us all about the Fantabulous Freddie Fackelmayer Freakout, and then she says that Whit doesn't always stand up for herself (in other news, the sky is blue) and wants to make sure that Whit's being treated right. Whit says she doesn't need a mouthpiece, and then it's quiet for a while, and Freddie goes, "I should have told you guys." Ha ha ha, what?! Geez, what a d-bag! Sam laughs because, well, she should because it's all just so stupid, and then she's like, "Let's go," and the girls leave. That whole thing was just . . . it was weird, right?

"I will be avenged!" says the fickle and forgetful Freddie Fackelmayer.

Next week: It's all about work drama! More Olivia/Erin/Zee drama, and then Whit and Roxy bring their personal lives to People's Revolution and The Beast In Black? She is not happy with that. Like, at all.