IDOL TOP 9
3.31.09

Ryan intros the show by weaving through the contestants while attempting to bring back the tie clip. Is that Kelly Osbourne? Oh, it’s Alison. My bad. Maybe they planned that look to remind us that The Osbournes Reloaded is on later tonight. It’s all about the marketing, you know.

Following the opening credits, the judges once again hit the stage through those giant sliding doors. As usual, Ryan prances down the stairs. He welcomes us as the judges get seated then interviews the judges, asking Paula if she has any props under the table. Just her usual vodka and percocet cocktail, I suppose.

The top 9 enter. What the hell is Alison wearing? Seriously. I don’t even have words. And you thought only a blow to the head while snowboarding could make me speechless.

A cross promotional plug for American Top 40 is next. Like I said…it’s all about marketing. Sorry, it’s actually AT40 now. I just aged myself, didn’t I?

First up…

Anoop Desai
23-year-old from Chapel Hill, NC
Sings “Caught up” by Usher

His look creeps me out a bit tonight. Is he taking style tips from Adam? Bad idea. I am an Anoop fan but I don’t dig this. His voice is OK but this is awkward and just plain stupid. Ugh.

Randy calls him dude and says he definitely picked up his swagger. The vocals were good but this was not the right song for him. He’s torn.

Kara says that when you pick Usher you have to go up in your range and do riffs. Yeah. Range and riffs totally make me think Usher. She says he played it safe and thought it seemed like a bunch of frat boys dared him to do this.

Paula wasn’t sure at first but loves that he returned to his playful side. His vocals sounded really good but he still needs to work on stage presence.

Simon thought it was a complete and utter mess. Agreed. He really didn’t like that he came over as a wannabe and agreed with Kara. Go figure. It gave him a headache.

Ryan gives Anoop a chance to respond and he seems a bit miffed and attitudey. He points out that it was R&B and that’s the kind of artist he wants to be. Good luck with that. I think he just lost major votes…and the judge’s stamp of approval.

Megan Joy Corkrey
23-year-old single mom from somewhere in UT
Sings “Turn Your Life Down Low” by Bob Marley

She thinks the judges are going to feel her this time. I think she needs to be more concerned with American feeling her. She looks beautiful as always and I love her vocal as always. Not sure this was the best song choice…as always. I really think she needs a strong song to win America over and this ain’t it. At least she toned down the MJ shimmy. Actually, I kind of need the shimmy right now. I’m bored.

Kara really likes her but she thinks she’s in trouble. She says it just wasn’t the right song choice. A heckler yells, “Broken record.” Simon LOLs and so do I. She calls her irritating and the audience boos. Kara retorts, “You get up here and do it then.” Paula jumps in to, thankfully, take attention away from Ms. Unnecessary. Honestly, I never thought I’d be so thankful for Paula until I met Kara.

P thinks Megan needs to take us by surprise, dig deep and sing a sensitive, vulnerable ballad at this stage in the comp.

The problem was, according to Simon, that the song was boring, indulgent, monotonous and all the things they liked about her are disappearing. He agrees with Kara…again. He says it was so boring.

“Yeah. It was like watching paint dry,” Randy says.

Meg thinks her fans were feeling it. Her fans? As in the VFTW crew? Oh, yeah. They were feeling it.

Danny Gokey
28-year-old from Milwaukee
Sings “What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flats

I hate that I never have anything bad to say about this kid. Sorry to disappoint. I think he could have picked a more moving song but this was another stellar performance. Gokey Folkys will be happy. Cruz will be happy.

Paula says this is where Danny thrives from the first note to the cadence. Apparently Miss P is back together with Mr. Webster. This is a performance she would definitely hit repeat in her car. She may want to get a bit familiar with a grammatical guide as well as a dictionary. And while we’re at it, ship some thesauruses to all of ‘em.

If he’s being honest, Simon thought it was his best performance of the whole competition.

The dog says he feels like tonight’s show starts right here. He mentions swagger for the second time tonight(thesaurus, please) and tells Danny to “keep it moving.”

Kara thinks what he did tonight was move everyone emotionally. She had goose bumps.

Allison Iraheta
16-year-old from LA, CA
Sings “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt

She’s busting out the guitar for the first time. Could she bust out another outfit while she’s at it? I am so distracted by this horrifying look she is rocking. Must. Look. Away. Is she playing that guitar or just wearing it as an accessory to her Kelly Osbourne inspired Hot Topic freshman dance in the projects cake topper style punk party dress? Yeah. My ability to speak is back. Unfortunately, I lost my ability to hear. Was it good? I have no idea.

Randy says she can sing but she was rushing and nervous. “Dude. What are you wearing,” he asks. He did not get the ensemble.

Kara says the rock in her comes out no matter what she is wearing so she doesn’t need to dress the part. It was a little distracting. A little?

PA is glad she brought her “axe” out with her. She says Allison’s intonation and delivery is masterful and effortless. She thinks she is skating by and going right to the finish line.

Simon sez we can’t ignore the outfit and calls it something out of the Addams Family. It was like a slightly precocious daughter trying to dress and sound like a rock star.

Scott MacIntyre
23-year-old from Scottsdale, AZ
Sings “Just the Way you Are” by Billy Joel

He hopes to turn things around this week. I don’t see it coming. Neither does he. OH, dude. That was bad. They can not find a decent look for this guy. The poufy brushed back pompadour isn’t any better than the Art Garfunkle. His vocal is fine. This performance is fine. I just happen to be over Scott.

Kara thinks he made very smart decisions tonight. She calls the performance moving and honest. She loves the new look.

Paula is most proud of Scott and it has nothing to do with his challenge and everything to do with the fact that he makes her forget his challenge. So what you’re saying is that it’s about the challenge. She says he took a risk by not including the orchestra. Really? It’s a song by the “piano man.” Is it really a RISK to perform the piano man’s song with a piano? She then says something about libido. I mean, legato. That means the musical notes were played and sung smoothly, by the way. Yeah. I looked it up.

Simon thought it was his best performance by a “country mile” and compares Scotty’s hair to that of Seacrest.

Randy calls it one of the best of the night.

Matt Giraud
The 23-year-old dueling piano player from Kalamazoo, MI
Sings “You Found Me” by The Fray

Matt’s rocking some hair that’s way more Seacrest-esque. The song starts rocky. He’s standing at a keyboard and looks uncomfortable. This is not his best. He hits some strong notes but overall it was average for me. If I’m being honest.

Paula appreciates that he went contemporary but that he aborted the things they love about him. It was a sound-a-like and not a great performance.

Simon says Matt should be happy that they don’t like him this week – referencing the fact that they liked him last week and then he landed in the bottom three. He thought it was uncomfortable and didn’t get it at all.

Randy says it was a bad song choice and he needs to “let all that flavor out.”

Kara babbles on uselessly and ends by saying he doesn’t deserve to go home.

Lil Rounds
24-year-old from Memphis
Sings “I Surrender” by Celine

Her intro is all about making the wrong song choice. She is hoping tonight’s will be right. OMG! Do they really need to do the 30 camera shots of Lil? DANG! She puts Kelly Clarkson’s booty to shame. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, you can stack your books on that shelf. I mean, that dress doesn’t do her any favors. Not to mention her wig/makeup that’s straight outta “The Bodyguard.” What is up with the stylists tonight? Anyway, back to what we’re here for. She sounds rough. Rougher. Roughest. This is painful. I can only hope it sounds better in studio than it does over the air.

Randy says this would not be his song choice b/c he wants her to have more swagger. DUDE! Hang out in the hood and learn some more lingo. Please. He was afraid this was going to be rough but she showed she has some unbelievable vocal skills. I’m afraid that it WAS rough.

Kara says her range is effortless and she thinks we got a glimpse of a singer who can let it out and wow us. We need to see more of that. I would like to have seen that tonight. She then says, “Lil, you back in the round.” Leave the snappy play on words to Seacrest, please.

Paula wants to see the joy she brought to us when we first saw her and she knows it’s there. Is that a compliment? Is that a critique? Is that someone copping out b/c she doesn’t want to say anything bad?

Simon found it quite similar to a wedding performance. He says all her personality is being sucked out of her and it needs to stop.

A sweet moment with Lil’s little ones follows. Looks like the producers don’t want to do Lil any harm either.

Adam Lambert
27-year-old from Hollywood
Sings “Play that Funky Music” by Wild Cherry

I take back my comment calling Scott’s hair a pompadour. THIS is a Todd Zabek pompadour. Sorry. You don’t know who Todd is…but my parents do(and they are laughing as they read this). Todd and I grew up together and the only reason I know the term pompadour is because of my dad talking about his do. There is no denying that Adam has MAD vocal skills – but his over the top drama/drag queen stage presence is too much. He freaks me out.

Paula says true genius does not fulfill expectations, it shatters it. She compares him to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler.

Simon calls this performance brave and original. He says it will not make him as popular as last week but that doesn’t matter.

Randy expected it to be corny but Adam worked it out and is definitely in the star zone.

Kara says. “it was like Studio 57 up in here.” Now who’s aging themselves?

Kris Allen
23-year-old from No Where, Arkansas
Sings “Ain’t no Sunshine”

What’s with the half stache? You either want to give mustache rides or you don’t. Make up your mind! This week he is tickling the ivory. I am not usually a Kris Allen fan but this is good. He even toned down his boy band style and John Mayer funky faces. Did he read my reviews and change things up? I think so. This is definitely his best – as well as the best of the night.

Randy says, “Yo, dude.” He calls it slammin’ and so in the zone. He’s loving him.

Kara has three words. Uh, oh. “That is artistry.” Good job with the mathematics, K Dog.

“That could be the first cut from your album,” Paula says. “That was your best performance to date.”

Simon thought he brought confidence and that the arrangement was clever and cool. He agrees that it was his best performance.

OMG. Is Kris shorter that Seacrest? Tough luck, dude.

WHEW! I lived up to my reputation as a meanie tonight, didn’t I? I wasn’t here last week so I had a lot of pent up snark to deal with.

I did like two people though. My votes go to Danny and, for the first time, Kris.