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Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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 Includes Sweet Dee.
  • Sweet Dee: "Are you happy now dad!? I just punched a hole in my wall!"
 Includes Charlie.
  • Charlie: slug
 Includes Charlie.
  • Charlie: Here's a confession: I'm in love with a man. What? I'm in love with a man... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.
 Includes Mac.
  • Mac: [Reading from the paper] Looking for that new hotspot to spot that stud? Well Paddy's Irish Pub has plugged that hole.
 Includes Charlie, Mac.
  • Charlie: Alright, later dudes. S you in your A's, don't wear a C and J all over your B's.
  • Mac: Why would he not wear a C?
 Includes Dennis, Charlie.
  • Dennis: What the hell is going on?
  • Charlie: That's Tammy, Trey's ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kinallen said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timby at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous because, you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Hannabry, but he doesn't like Erin Hannabry, it was all a bunch of bull.
 Includes Charlie.
  • Charlie: WILDCARD, bitches!!!!!!
 Includes Mac.
  • Mac: What up? We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys who wana hang out in our party mansion. Nothing Sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged. If you're fat you should be able to find humor in the little things. Again NOTHING SEXUAL
 Includes Mac, Charlie.
  • Mac: Charlie, me and Dennis are going to train you to be an underground streetfighter.
  • Charlie: What? That is brilliant!
 Includes Charlie, Frank.
  • Charlie: You're not gonna find a bang maid out there because there's no such thing.
  • Frank: I already did. Your mom. Guh-bye.
 Includes Mac, Charlie, Sweet Dee, Dennis.
  • Mac: I'm not a serial killer! I've been banging a tranny, I didn't want you guys to find out!
  • Charlie: No, you're trying to... what?
  • Sweet Dee: Ew, oh I don't even know how that works
  • Dennis: It's complicated, she tapes it back
 Includes Charlie, Frank.
  • Charlie: Did you send him a friend request?
  • Frank: I don't wanna be his friend, I wanna shoot him in the face!
 Includes Dennis.
  • Dennis: I'm a recovering crackhead, this is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare please.
 Includes Charlie, Dennis.
  • Charlie: Oh shit. Look at that door dude. See that door right there? That door marked 'Pirate'? You think a pirate lives in there?
  • Dennis: I see a door marked 'Private.' Is that the door you're talking about?
  • Charlie: No, I was talking about . . I didn't say . . what'd you hear?
  • Dennis: I heard you say you saw a door marked 'Pirate'.
  • Charlie: No, that's not what I said. Look, are we gonna talk about pirates all day or are we gonna find out what lives in there?
 Includes Charlie.
  • Charlie: Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!
 Includes Dennis.
  • Dennis: I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care.