Love The Office? Pick your 3 favorite characters and compete in the Fantasy Game!

Add a The Office Quote The Office Quotes

Sort quotes by:  Most Favorited | Most Recent | By Episode
 From 403 Baby Shower. Includes Angela, Michael, Meredith.
  • Angela: Here is the boy's name...Chevey.
  • Michael: That was all me!
  • Angela: And the girl...Asturd.
  • Meredith: As-turd?
  • Michael: Jan says it is the name of a viking princess.
 From 413 Stress Relief. Includes Michael, Stanley.
  • Michael: What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
  • Stanley: Chocolate.
  • Michael: Racism is dead, Stanley!
 Includes Jim.
  • Jim: "Their bread is VERY good!"
 Includes Ryan.
  • Ryan: (talking about stanley) I'm very flattered. I was his first choice after "pass".
 Includes Ryan.
  • Ryan: Hey you, you should put him in custardy
 Includes Ryan.
  • Ryan: do i think micheal has ever done drugs? no. i don't think anyone would want to give micheal drugs.
 Includes Dwight.
  • Dwight: micheal always says K-I-S-S keep it simple stupid. great advice, hurts my feeling every time.
 From 424 Company Picnic. Includes Stanley.
  • Stanley: I don't normally enjoy the theatre but this is delightful
 From 423 Cafe Disco. Includes Michael.
  • Michael: You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party.
 From 418 Two Weeks. Includes Toby.
  • Toby: Michael is like a movie on a flight. You don't wanna watch it, but its something to look at. And when it's over, you're like, how much longer is this flight?
 Includes Michael, Dwight.
  • Michael: What's your dentist's name?
  • Dwight: Crentist.
  • Michael: That sounds an awful lot like dentist.
  • Dwight: Maybe that's why he became one!
 From 417 New Boss. Includes Pam, Michael.
  • Pam: And then outta that cake pops another stripper holding a smaller cake and then an even smaller stripper pops outta that one.
  • Michael: What is that smaller stripper holding?
  • Pam: A cupcake! It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down.
 From 417 New Boss. Includes Jim.
  • Jim: ...Two-way petting zoo. You pet the animals, they pet you back.
 From 416 Golden Ticket. Includes Michael, Dwight.
  • Michael: We think a lot alike, sometimes you will think something and I will say what youre thinking.
  • Dwight: Ok, what am I thinking right now?
  • Michael: Nacho chips?
  • Dwight: No! I'm thinking about how the skin is the largest organ of the body!
 Includes Michael, Dwight.
  • Michael: Why do you have a diary?
  • Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer.
 From 415 Blood Drive. Includes Kevin.
  • Kevin: Hey... I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very nervous talking to pretty girls. SERIOUSLY, feel how sweaty my hand is... Are you on email? COOL. K. Bye.
 From 414 Lecture Circuit Part 2. Includes Pam.
  • Pam: I have a chainsaw!!!
 From 414 Lecture Circuit. Includes Andy, Phyllis.
  • Andy: Umm, Phyllis, who's that?
  • Phyllis: She's out of your league, Andy.
  • Andy: For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful woman.
  • Phyllis: Sexually?
  • Andy: This conversation is over.
 From 414 Lecture Circuit. Includes Dwight.
  • Dwight: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Cause if so, you've succeeded... it's a good thing my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.
 From 413 Stress Relief. Includes Dwight, Michael.
  • Dwight: Are you calling me an idiot?
  • Michael: Idiot.
  • Dwight: Don't you ever talk to me that way. You pathetic short, little man. You don't have any friends, you don't have any family, or any land!
 From 413 Stress Relief. Includes Michael.
  • Michael: I can already feel people's stress starting to melt. I think they are very excited about paying their respects this way. I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.
 From 413 Stress Relief. Includes Dwight, Michael.
  • Dwight: This was merely a training exercise. So, what have we learned?Ohh cmon, it's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
  • Michael: (rushing to Stanley's aid) No no no do not die! Stanley, Stanley, you will not die! Stanley! Stanley!Barack is President! You are Black, Stanley!
 Includes Jim, Dwight.
  • Jim: Jim walks in dressed as dwight "question what type of bear is best?"
  • Dwight: thats a ridiculous question-
  • Jim: False, black bear
  • Dwight: well thats debatable, there are basically two schools of thought-
  • Jim: fact bears eat beats... bears beat battle star galactica!
  • Dwight:  bears don not- (surprised face) What.. what is going on what r u doing? well imitation is the most sincere form of flattery so i thank u
  • Jim: (pulls out dwight bobble head)
  • Dwight: Identity theft is not a joke jim! millions of families suffer every year!
  • Jim: MICHEAL! (in the exact voice that dwight talks)
  • Dwight: oh thats funny, MICHEAL!
 Includes Pam.
  • Pam: Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.
 From 411 The Duel. Includes Michael.
  • Michael: Sometimes I start a sentence and I don’t even know where it is going, I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improve conversation. Impoversation.
 From 411 The Duel. Includes Michael.
  • Michael: My philosophy is…basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don’t, ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter where or who or who you are with, or where you are going. Or where you been. Ever. For any reason, what so ever.
 From 411 The Duel. Includes Pam, Angela, Meredith.
  • Pam: Angela you have to put a stop to this right now!
  • Angela: I will respect the results of the duel.
  • Pam: Of course you will.
  • Meredith: I call loser!
 From 411 The Duel. Includes Meredith.
  • Meredith: I've had men fight over me before. Usually its over who gets to hold the camcorder.
 Includes Ryan.
  • Ryan: How's my favorite office?!
 Includes Jan.
  • Jan: Don't smell me, Michael.
 From 408 Frame Toby. Includes Dwight.
  • Dwight: "i LOVE catching people in the act. That's why i always whip open doors."
 From 407 Business Trip. Includes Kelly, Pam.
  • Kelly: Dwight, get out of my nook!
  • Pam: That's what she said! That's what she said! That's what she said!
 From 404 Crime Aid. Includes Michael.
  • Michael: It squeaks when you bang it..."That's what she said!" (In reference to the plastic gavel they used at the auction).
 From 404 Crime Aid. Includes Andy.
  • Andy: I want to move to Disney World with you.
 Includes Meredith.
  • Meredith: "Have you ever had sirloin steak honey?"
 Includes Angela.
  • Angela: "Stop it! I have a Fiancé i very much like."
 From 403 Baby Shower. Includes Jim.
  • Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now this baby will be related to Michael through...delusion!
 Includes Pam.
  • Pam: About 40 times a year Michael gets really sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.
 Includes Dwight, Stanley.
  • Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Shrute bucks?
  • Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
  • Dwight: Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
  • Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
 From 402 Business Ethics. Includes Stanley.
  • Stanley: It is a quarter 'til 5 and I have begun to gather my things.
 From 403 Baby Shower. Includes Dwight.
  • Dwight: Playtime.. is.. OVER!!
 Includes Oscar.
  • Oscar: "Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay."
 Includes Creed.
  • Creed: "Swing low, sweet chariots."
 Includes Michael.
  • Michael: Dinkin' flicka.
 Includes Kevin.
  • Kevin: Women be shoppin'!
 Includes Michael.
  • Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day.
 From Season Premiere - Weight Loss. Includes Phyllis.
  • Phyllis: I wonder what they like about me... probably my jugs.
 Includes Dwight.
  • Dwight: The eyes are the groin of the face.
 Includes Kelly.
  • Kelly: Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!